5 Steps to Help You Identify Toxic Relationships - and Spot the Good Ones!_
Hello everyone here, hope we had a wonderful day?
I just finished this coaching exercise, and I have discovered those to keep away from and those to move close to. I encourage you to try them yourself and ask your friends and colleagues to try it too, it will help you to maximize your time and potential.
5 Steps to Help You Identify
Toxic Relationships - and
Spot the Good Ones!_
Try this toxic relationships exercise nowand save yourself from unnecessary relationships
1. Make a list of the friends,
colleagues, family and other people
you spend most of your time with.
[This list should be as close to 20 people
as you can.]
2. For each person on your list, pause
and ask yourself: "How do I feel
after spending time with this
person?"
3. Next, add a score against each name
from +5 to -5 to represent how you
generally feel after spending time with
them. [Obviously a negative (-) score
means you feel somehow less or
negative about yourself and your life,
and the positive (+) scores represent
feeling better about yourself and your
life.]
4. Consider how much time you spend
with each person on your list. Some
things to consider include:
What are the scores for the
people you spend most of your
time with?
Are you generally spending
more time with the 'pluses' or
the 'minuses'?
How much time are you
spending with your "boosters",
the +4s and +5s on your list?
What about the "drainers"
(toxic relationships), the -4s or
-5s?
5. Make a commitment to YOU.
i) Look at your plus or "booster"
relationships: If you're not already,
find ways to spend more time with
them.
IMPORTANT: If you don't have any +4s
and +5s on your list, how could you
develop some relationships that will
be that support and boost in your life?
ii) Looking at your minus or toxic
relationships: In theory, these are
people you should be finding ways to
spend less time with, and setting some
boundaries.
IMPORTANT: Any healthy relationship
will have rough patches and we
shouldn't discard someone simply
because times get tough. Consider
the following:
What is your gut telling you? If
your gut is telling you to move
on, that this person isn't right
for you, it may be time to pay
attention and let go. Or
perhaps you gut is nagging you
to take some action to mend
things?
Is there a wound or grievance
that needs to be brought into
the open and discussed?
Do YOU have some 'processing'
to do because it's YOU doing
the judging, not them?
How to Enjoy Those
Relationships that are
Fabulous?
For people who are there for you, who
support, encourage and inspire you - as
well as finding ways to spend more time
with them - see if you can find an opportunity to recognize them! What is it
about them that you love? And then
whether it's a heartfelt thank-you with a
hug, words of appreciation and meaningful eye contact over a cup of coàee or
glass of wine, a card, letter, email or a
spontaneous gift – make sure THEY know
how much YOU love and appreciate
them!
What about Toxic
Relationships That No
Longer Serve us?
You have some thinking to do. If you
can't bear to let a friend go, or you HAVE
to spend time with a family member, find
ways to be with them where there will be
less opportunity for the negativity to
come out. For example you could go to
the cinema with them where you’ll interact less. Or you could decide not to discuss areas of your (or their!) life that
draw criticism and judgement. But if it IS
necessary to see them, set your boundaries and find ways to make the relationship work on your terms.
"The only service a friend
can really render is to keep up
your courage by holding up to
you a mirror in which you can
see a noble image of yourself."
George Bernard Shaw
Comments